All my life I have felt the magic spark of a child, like a giant wonder within me. Somehow, along my journey, I forgot. I learned how to feel ashamed, judged or unaccepted for who I was.
What I didn’t realize yet, was that I didn’t need validation from anyone.
What got in my way, was fear. Fear of being a lone trail blazer, fear of not being
good enough, smart enough or qualified enough.
Then George Bush became president, then Donald Trump was elected…I began to question and reflect on these so called leaders, not only in the USA but everywhere that dogmatic ways of thinking were being taught and upheld. I didn’t resonate with any of it.
I wanted to live the love I wished to create. I wanted to recognize these leaders as part of the whole, but in order to be this love, I realized I had to follow the inner callings of my heart. I had to live my truth...my Joan of Arc spirit guide and my persecuted midwife of life times past were asking me to wake up!
Around the same time, about 8 years ago, I became a Mother. Then 2 years after that, I became a single mother. I realized how much of my sovereignty I had handed over to the cultural structures that were laid out before me. I unconsciously trusted in those structures because of government, laws or social norms.
As a new mother, I was faced with decisions such as how to birth my baby, whether or not to vaccinate, which school system is the best, how to feed and parent my child so she would thrive in the world and what kind of career to choose. I felt bombarded with these decisions, in survival mode and pushed to my primal edge.
So I became a shark Momma, saying a big “Fuck it” to all the systems that didn’t resonate or align with me and I let them all fall away.
Not only did I allow them to fall away passively but I actively became an advocate for my own light, life, well-being and for my daughter.
Who am I not to shine and share my magic?
The day I gave myself radical permission to be me, was the day the universe began to deliver my wildest dreams in miraculous ways.
Ask, believe and you shall receive.
I truly believe that following your gut or your intuition is the fast track to vitality and alignment with the unified field of love.
Our spines are electrical conduits for life force energy, this is why we practice yoga, see the chiropractor or exercise, to fuel ourselves with the Prana rich produce grown from the earth.
We are fueling our vitality. What’s magical about the human body is that we have animal senses. We aren’t far off from our primal ape like ancestors or cavemen. In fact I think returning to some of those practices will aide in our survival or greater enjoyment as humans. The paleo diet is one such popular resurgence.
We are realizing that excess and over consumption on all levels is killing us, making us sick, tired, in debt and shackled to a system that is nothing but a manufactured concept of a culture we have been taught to believe is the best one to abide by.
Well I say “Fuck that!” Live by your own intuitive means, focus on your own well being and feed it. Do the things that feel like they will heal you and make you feel good. It doesn’t need to cost a million dollars, in fact everything we need is at our fingertips.
We need to trust more, dream more, create and move more. Think less and express. Simplicity is truly sophistication. Children need less stuff and more connection.
Adults need to get out of the rat race, hamster wheel of work and enjoy life more.
This is how I went from frantic to fantastic:
I began to pray.
I realized I couldn’t do life alone all the time and I needed to call on my angels and guides. An ethereal concept I am coming to understand on a deeper level through quantum science and the energy in nature.
At a few of my lowest moments I found myself at the cemetery, crying to my passed on Grandfathers and Uncle for support. My ancestors.
They truly came through.
I always knew they were with me and when I least expected it, things would align and they would show up to guide me to my next move.
There were times when I felt like I was captain of a big ship and we were going through some crazy storms with hail and fog so thick I couldn’t see what was next.
Those moments taught me to keep my primal senses sharp, to use my intuition and 100% and trust more. That was the gift, that let me know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I was taken care of.
I wasn’t giving up, but surrendering to an all knowing force.
That force I also recognize as Prana, breath, the wind, the life that grows trees, earthquakes and flowers. The force that moved through me when I gave birth to my daughter. The force of love that commands two people together to fall in love. It’s unseen and feels like magnets.
All we can do is trust it.
I see myself as a host for this magical force and I want to be open to letting it move me. I want to follow it’s prompts and guidance, whether it be to move to a new city, to write a letter, speak my truth or stand up for my heart and soul. To care for someone deeply or stand on my head.
Whatever it may be, I want to follow this force.
Some days it may move me to tears, other days it may move me to laughter and love. Allowing this force to be expressed through me, without judgement, in a way my heart knows it is there. It is trusting and never ending, it is all knowing and omnipresent.
Who knew I would be called to make feathers? I can’t help but want to paint them, see them, fly with them and feel this expansive love when they are around,
It doesn’t make perfect sense and perhaps that’s what I love about art. It doesn’t need to make sense, it is simply full of awe, magic and paradoxes that can transport you to other places in time. It takes you out of the rat race and socialization we all grow to resent. That’s what I will make of my life, one big radical antidote to anything that tries to hold me back.
You can spray the dandelions with round up but must know that you are only killing yourself.
One day, we will all realize that the dandelions were only trying to save us. They are one of the most powerful medicines we have!
It’s absurd that we kill plants in the name of aesthetics, the same way we slowly kill ourselves in the name of vanity and excess stuff.
The earth is a powerful creature and she will have her way with us. Easily. Floods, earthquakes, meteors, you name it!
Just meditate on the dinosaurs for a moment and that should help put things into perspective.
If we don’t align with the unified field of love, our primal senses and this powerful force of nature, we will be consumed by it.
My message is intended to lighten your load, to encourage you to worry less about trivial shit and follow your primal nature. Do whatever the fuck it is that makes your heart sing,
Do the things that scare you and make you feel like you are not enough. Because guess what, you are enough, we all are and we all have amazing unique gifts to share.
Share your light, your love and the expressions of yourself that make you feel alive.
Be fully alive while you are here, because guess what, soon you will move on. That person inside you that thinks you are not good enough will be gone too. So just let it all go now and put your mojo on the table, there is no greater time than right now.
Then rest, take a nap and try all over again the next day. There is no report card of life, there is just one big moment after moment that is waiting to be consumed by love, a love so great it will break you and heal you all at the same time.